SO sian today. Went to HQ want to buy First aid manual but they saying only got 8th edition and is $26. Wao liao siao lar go rob lor. I buy my one only $21 and HQ is selling more expensive than tt. Sorry derek can't find u a first aid manual. Then after tt went to training for sjab. Not bad i c improvement today. Then go play cs today. Was damm bz lately!!! Wao liao again i go work again. I can't stand those two guys anymore. I dun believe them anymore liao lor. Always do their own things and left me behide. I hope i can stay for this job for gd and get my pay. Hope tomorrow can go upgrade my internet speed and dun need to pay $$. HAHA. Too bad i am not looking forward to any part of my life except of getting my life. Today near bgss i run across the road with cars. HAHA then people just see me like tt like i did something wrong or wat lar. I admit i shld not do tt but i feel so great dunno y i want to run across like tt. The feeling is so gd and i like hope to get knock down haha. Ok tt all 4 today!!!

Sunday:
So sian today. Woke up at 9am++ bu wei xian ask me go feng shan cc. Say got a job $1000+ one. Wao liao i was so excited but in the end nv do. Cos the uncle like dun want to do cos not enough people and not confidence we can do it cos is too difficult but nvm went to home and sleep. Haha ya i bought i new CD today. hehe. I bought megadance. The songs might be old but is still nice and i dun have any of their songs. Enjoy those songs very much!!!!!!!!! Today dunno lor sleep also tired. Nv sleep also tired. I going nuts liao. I think i going sjab tomorrow cos i got no job for the time being but gd i can have a nice break before working again hehe. Nothing much happen today so make it a short blog. Sorry jin hui i can't go play cs with u today. Next time ok haha....

Feel so tired today!!! Work at suntec today for like 5-6 hours but got a nice pay after tt. I hate it man, my two other friends nv work also got the money but lesser than me but i need to work!!!!! but nvm i got the exp. Bevin dun give up hope on urself. U can do it, dun becos of one sitback and forever sit there and give up on urself. U can have a break and gain back ur self confidence. Confidence is very impt tt wat i learn from my work!!! TOday nv go pop sigh... miss tt part of my life haha. But nvm hope i can c u guys again. Yesterday got a $20 bonus got i did well in Chinatown but i dun enjoy it asking 390+ people for donation. got around $390. haha. I finally quit tt job. Feel so tired. But too bad i dun enjoy doing anything right now. Feeling so dead. Might feel a bit happy getting my paid but tt feeling is not there anymore. I feel tt a part of my life is lost somewhere. Met a pri sch friend at suntec today as he is working there. A gd friend but he change a lot liao. I think i dunno him liao. I miss the old him. Talk about him, he told me about a gal i like in pri sch. Sigh....... i really dun want to think of old times........... ok lar i want to sleep liao. Tired!!!!!!!!!!

Today feel so tired...... went to work for my 3rd day but i just can't raise my happy spirit up. I think i feel very restless........ I help to raise $310 today again. But i can say tt i nv put in much effort today. Dun really feel like it. Doing independent today. I dun feel much of being a loner. Maybe i am used to it liao. Is quite fun, cos i was asking retailer today so it is like quite easy and some of them r really nice( feel more gulity) but nvm. Life is like tt, i have just to face it. Went back home feeling tired and more restless. Today dun feel much of anger just feeling very empty. Maybe i will feel scared when someone concern about me. Sigh.... feeling being more and more inhuman each passing days. To jin hui: oi i like to blog long long can cos my life is busy lar!!!!!! To those who always come to this blog. Thanks a lot. I will try to blog as much as i can. The most one day in between nv blog OK..... Read someone blog saying about me just now. I feel very messy. My mind is in a total mess and my life is a mess. I dunno which job is confirm. Like making a bet on my job if u know wat i mean.( need to choose my job but dunno can do or not) Maybe i shld relax a day but who will go out with me to relax for a day. I miss those sching days and days we play basketball. But i will not think of those old times yet. My life is messy enough. I think i will really quit my job tomorrow and my last day will be 31th of dec. Cos i feel tt i need a break and a gd rest and my job i feel if i do, there is no life for me. AND one more thing: I hope POP night is a sucessful night and i will support u guys in spirit haha. Have a enjoyable time there and maybe without me, u guys will be more fun!!!!!!

TUESDAY
Must make tuesday the word big later people say my blog not clear........
Sigh whole day so sian, i stay at home nv go out. Plan to go beach but noone is free but i kind of expected it. Sigh.... Feel like someone is giving me attitude. Hack care lar. Today quarral with my mom again. Told her not to call my manager but she still called. Then found out need to do one more day to get the pay. So sian ok. I like hate to work there liao and time table is so packed. Want me go and work. Guess i need to tell me friend tt i am not accepting the job he ask me to accept. Feel so bad like he ask his friend for the space liao. Fuck lar ok. Feel so messy ok. After tt my mom still want me help her do things, can't she give me a moment of peace. Play the whole day game, tired i sleep. WAT TO DO!!! EVERYONE R 'VERY" bz. Maybe they r avoiding me. DO i care. NO I DUN CARE. Maybe i will care a bit but i will stop caring about these stuff. Feel more inhuman each day!!! 'but i dun think is my fault' Tomorrow still need to go out and work. HAHA with my friends this time. Is like 3am+ now but i dun really like sleeping. Maybe i will slack for a while more. Sorry guys i think only when i free than i can change the skin and music and all tt. Not free now and not in the mood of doing so. Feel alone really can make me numb, maybe soon or one day i feel really feel tt i can survive alone!!!! I must do it is not the prob if i can or not.
Friends i thought tt r really my friend, but am i really a friend in their heart.

QUIT MY JOB haha lol

Sigh.......... Quit my job liao. But i already know in the morning i can't get any pay but i still want to finish the day job. U all may think tt i am stupid but i enjoy the exp and helping out. HAHA nice know the people work together with me....... TODAY I HIT BELL!!!! Which is $310 and is only second day of my work. I am so happy tt day and hope tt i can keep up my high mood but it did not last for long. I called my dad to fetch me home cos i was too tired but he say he will come but in the end say bz after waiting for some time and almost knock down by a cab. Watever ok i just wish i get knock down by the cab. I reach home still with a happy mood. Later i talk on the phone with bevin and ws which started everything. I really dislike to talk to ws more and more. I am really sick of her. I think wat u say is right. She is too spolit. As a friend to her, she nv give me a birthday present after telling her so many times. NO I AM NOT ACCEPTING HER GIFT ANY MORE. Then she say gd bye to bevin but not me. Watever lar. I also purposely dun want to go out when bevin say want to have a few of us go watch movie together. I can't go out with her ok!!! And can 'he' spare me some time to complain about ws. Come to msn to find out r bz to talk with me and tt CK keep pouring cold water on my loss job. I mean i feel bad enough do he need to make it worse. Thanks for wei lee still talking to me now. Keep so stress up again but not over job but just too disappointed. To people who keep encouraging me tt if i dun help myself noone can. But i everytime give encourage to myself but everytime lead to another greater disappointment!!!!! I think i shld try to less trust other but only myself. Now i fully understand but my manager said!!! He is right about teaching me some things in life. HOPE CAN GO TO THE BEACH TOMORROW. REALLY HOPE CAN GO THERE BUT SURE I HAVE TO GO THERE ALONE RIGHT!!!!! MAYBE I SHLD JUST DIE AND PEOPLE WON'T EVEN NOTICE!!!!!! HOW TO CONTROL MY ANGER NOW!!!!!!! I HATE EVERYONE.. tears tt drop i wonder r for wat cause. Disappointment...... I will try not to cry anymore cos i will not care people around me anymore. They dun deserve my tears and my concern. AND I MEAN EVERYONE.... My life is fated to be alone..... Just faced it i can't fight it anymore. I cannot give myself much more self encouragment.

haha have not been blogging for the past few days. Was too bz working and also got poly open house. Feel these few days so stress up. I shld not have accepted the job. I feel damm stress up when doing the work. Really feel more and more numb doing the stupid job cos i feel like conning people. ARR!!!!!!!!!! I am going crazy soon u know....... hopefully can quit tomorrow cos i found another job but hope can stay long for tt job. Yesterday went to two poly. NYP and NP. HAHA feel tt the people there r so nice. haha thanks for tt guy who bought me to the NYP design sch haha. I went with 'some' friends to the two poly. The group is like got 15 people and is so difficult to control them. Especially those gals. Sigh........ I really can't stand them. They seems not coming for the open house but for shopping. Stand behide the glass and look at us or standing behide us. We like have no time but they still take their own sweet time. They dun want to go two poly but the others want ok. It was a long story and i dun want to say liao. After tt went to another job interview. Need to work on next sat. ARRR!!!!! i cannot come POP. Sorry guys i can't go. Hope my group can perform well. GD luck!!!!! Sigh........ feel so stress and my temper is getting worse and worse. I NEED A BREAK OR SOMETHING. FEEL SOMETHING IS MISSING IN ME. Hope can find tt thing soon......

Wed
I feel damm bloodly down and angry tonight. I need to release the anger within me. Woke up after i lie on my bed. Think about wat just happen. I like feeling damm stress up. I have a job later but people just pour cold water on me..........I feel damm stress up and people making me angry. KLZ AND WAI SUM y do u two have to talk when i need a min with bevin to talk and u all nv even bother to say sorry............. WAT THE DAMM MEANING OF THIS!!!!!!!!! i only need a few min to spare right and i will shut up!!!!!!!!! WS i also very unhappy with u. ALWAYS i have to call u to talk to u but u R NV FREE AND I MEAN MY WORDS, but when u call me DO I MUST BE FREE TO TALK TO U!!!!!!!! Do people even care about my feeling?????? Do people even know tt i am existed here OR MAYBE I SHLD JUST DIE........... DO I NEED TO BE A MUTE OR RATHER I WANT TO BE A MUTE!!!!!!! DO people even concern about me before????? NO I DUN THINK SO!!!! I may seems bloody weak but i want to stay strong but how.......... i FEEL TT ALL THESE YEARS TT I AM OFTEN ALONE. I can only stand alone and i hate to feel WEAK OK!!!!!!! Can't i be nice to people. YA I AM NICE TO THEM SO WAT I GET...... A PIECE OF SHIT AND Y SHLD I EVEN BE NS TO PEOPLE!! CAN ANYONE ANSWER ME!!!!!!! I'M LIKE TT SO WAT U WANT ME TO CHANGE........MAYBE I SHLD JUST GO AND DIE RIGHT!!!!!!!!! LIFE IS MEANINGLESS 4 ME!!!!!!I HATE EVERYONE FOR NOW, AT THIS MOMENT!!!!WATEVER I DUN CARE!!!!!!!

Wed
I feel damm bloodly down and angry tonight. I need to release the anger within me. Woke up after i lie on my bed. Think about wat just happen. I like feeling damm stress up. I have a job later but people just pour cold water on me..........I feel damm stress up and people making me angry. KLZ AND WAI SUM y do u two have to talk when i need a min with bevin to talk and u all nv even bother to say sorry............. WAT THE DAMM MEANING OF THIS!!!!!!!!! i only need a few min to spare right and i will shut up!!!!!!!!! WS i also very unhappy with u. ALWAYS i have to call u to talk to u but u R NV FREE AND I MEAN MY WORDS, but when u call me DO I MUST BE FREE TO TALK TO U!!!!!!!! Do people even care about my feeling?????? Do people even know tt i am existed here OR MAYBE I SHLD JUST DIE........... DO I NEED TO BE A MUTE OR RATHER I WANT TO BE A MUTE!!!!!!! DO people even concern about me before????? NO I DUN THINK SO!!!! I may seems bloody weak but i want to stay strong but how.......... i FEEL TT ALL THESE YEARS TT I AM OFTEN ALONE. I can only stand alone and i hate to feel WEAK OK!!!!!!! Can't i be nice to people. YA I AM NICE TO THEM SO WAT I GET...... A PIECE OF SHIT AND Y SHLD I EVEN BE NS TO PEOPLE!! CAN ANYONE ANSWER ME!!!!!!! I'M LIKE TT SO WAT U WANT ME TO CHANGE........MAYBE I SHLD JUST GO AND DIE RIGHT!!!!!!!!! LIFE IS MEANINGLESS 4 ME!!!!!!I HATE EVERYONE FOR NOW, AT THIS MOMENT!!!!WATEVER I DUN CARE!!!!!!!

Wed
I feel damm bloodly down and angry tonight. I need to release the anger within me. Woke up after i lie on my bed. Think about wat just happen. I like feeling damm stress up. I have a job later but people just pour cold water on me..........I feel damm stress up and people making me angry. KLZ AND WAI SUM y do u two have to talk when i need a min with bevin to talk and u all nv even bother to say sorry............. WAT THE DAMM MEANING OF THIS!!!!!!!!! i only need a few min to spare right and i will shut up!!!!!!!!! WS i also very unhappy with u. ALWAYS i have to call u to talk to u but u R NV FREE AND I MEAN MY WORDS, but when u call me DO I MUST BE FREE TO TALK TO U!!!!!!!! Do people even care about my feeling?????? Do people even know tt i am existed here OR MAYBE I SHLD JUST DIE........... DO I NEED TO BE A MUTE OR RATHER I WANT TO BE A MUTE!!!!!!! DO people even concern about me before????? NO I DUN THINK SO!!!! I may seems bloody weak but i want to stay strong but how.......... i FEEL TT ALL THESE YEARS TT I AM OFTEN ALONE. I can only stand alone and i hate to feel WEAK OK!!!!!!! Can't i be nice to people. YA I AM NICE TO THEM SO WAT I GET...... A PIECE OF SHIT AND Y SHLD I EVEN BE NS TO PEOPLE!! CAN ANYONE ANSWER ME!!!!!!! I'M LIKE TT SO WAT U WANT ME TO CHANGE........MAYBE I SHLD JUST GO AND DIE RIGHT!!!!!!!!! LIFE IS MEANINGLESS 4 ME!!!!!!I HATE EVERYONE FOR NOW, AT THIS MOMENT!!!!WATEVER I DUN CARE!!!!!!!

Wednesday:
Decided to wake up and blog after lying down cos i feel so down. I think y i feel so down. I like having lots of stress on the job later i need to do and i actually did not plan to be a sales promoter. I dun think i will be doing a gd job but before this got people pour cold water on me and do people even listen to my problem. I like feel tt i hate everybody now........ Y must tt Li zhou and Wai Sum had to talk when i told them to shut up and listen to wat bevin has to told me. They spoil my day and do people even bother heard me talk. I like feel so bottled up with anger. DO PEOPLE EVEN CARE????????? How I even get out of this damm feeling. WS do u even try to call me to talk with me but everytime u call me Y force me talk with u but when i call u, U R ALWAYS NOT FREE. WaT THE MEANING OF THIS............. DO people even heard me talk............ OR MUST I BE A MUTE............. IF LET ME CHOOSE I RATHER BE A MUTE.............................. When i feel down do people even care!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am like feeling ok today. Went to training with a light heart but at night has such a heavy heart......... I just learn to play a game and only need a min with bevin BUT THEY KEEP TALKING AND COS ME TO LISTEN NOTHING............ DO THEY EVEN BOTHER TO SAY SORRY......... NO THEY DON'T.... PEOPLE BAD MOOD. I BAD MOOD. BUT DO THEY CARE............ I AM SICK OF LIFE OK................... I NEED TO RELEASE MY ANGER!!!!! I REALLY WONDER IF PEOPLE EVER CONCERN ABOUT MY FEELING......... I JUST FEEL TT I AM SO WEAK BUT HOW I STAY STRONG ALONE..........................WATEVER MAYBE I SHLD JUST DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DUN THINK I WILL HAVE A GD SLEEP TONIGHT............................

Wednesday:
Decided to wake up and blog after lying down cos i feel so down. I think y i feel so down. I like having lots of stress on the job later i need to do and i actually did not plan to be a sales promoter. I dun think i will be doing a gd job but before this got people pour cold water on me and do people even listen to my problem. I like feel tt i hate everybody now........ Y must tt Li zhou and Wai Sum had to talk when i told them to shut up and listen to wat bevin has to told me. They spoil my day and do people even bother heard me talk. I like feel so bottled up with anger. DO PEOPLE EVEN CARE????????? How I even get out of this damm feeling. WS do u even try to call me to talk with me but everytime u call me Y force me talk with u but when i call u, U R ALWAYS NOT FREE. WaT THE MEANING OF THIS............. DO people even heard me talk............ OR MUST I BE AM MUTE............. IF LET ME CHOOSE I RATHER BE A MUTE.............................. When i feel down do people even care!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am like feeling ok today. Went to training with a light heart but at night has such a heavy heart......... I just learn to play a game and only need a min with bevin BUT THEY KEEP TALKING AND COS ME TO LISTEN NOTHING............ DO THEY EVEN BOTHER TO SAY SORRY......... NO THEY DON'T.... PEOPLE BAD MOOD. I BAD MOOD. BUT DO THEY CARE............ I AM SICK OF LIFE OK................... I NEED TO RELEASE MY ANGER!!!!! I REALLY WONDER IF PEOPLE EVER CONCERN ABOUT MY FEELING......... I JUST FEEL TT I AM SO WEAK BUT HOW I STAY STRONG ALONE..........................WATEVER MAYBE I SHLD JUST DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DUN THINK I WILL HAVE A GD SLEEP TONIGHT............................

Wednesday:
Decided to wake up and blog after lying down cos i feel so down. I think y i feel so down. I like having lots of stress on the job later i need to do and i actually did not plan to be a sales promoter. I dun think i will be doing a gd job but before this got people pour cold water on me and do people even listen to my problem. I like feel tt i hate everybody now........ Y must tt Li zhou and Wai Sum had to talk when i told them to shut up and listen to wat bevin has to told me. They spoil my day and do people even bother heard me talk. I like feel so bottled up with anger. DO PEOPLE EVEN CARE????????? How I even get out of this damm feeling. WS do u even try to call me to talk with me but everytime u call me Y force me talk with u but when i call u, U R ALWAYS NOT FREE. WaT THE MEANING OF THIS............. DO people even heard me talk............ OR MUST I BE AM MUTE............. IF LET ME CHOOSE I RATHER BE A MUTE.............................. When i feel down do people even care!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am like feeling ok today. Went to training with a light heart but at night has such a heavy heart......... I just learn to play a game and only need a min with bevin BUT THEY KEEP TALKING AND COS ME TO LISTEN NOTHING............ DO THEY EVEN BOTHER TO SAY SORRY......... NO THEY DON'T.... PEOPLE BAD MOOD. I BAD MOOD. BUT DO THEY CARE............ I AM SICK OF LIFE OK................... I NEED TO RELEASE MY ANGER!!!!! I REALLY WONDER IF PEOPLE EVER CONCERN ABOUT MY FEELING......... I JUST FEEL TT I AM SO WEAK BUT HOW I STAY STRONG ALONE..........................WATEVER MAYBE I SHLD JUST DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DUN THINK I WILL HAVE A GD SLEEP TONIGHT............................

Tuesday
Woke up after a few hour sleep. Talk with bevin and yy till 4.45am like tt in the morning then need to for job interview. Went to Jurong east and after tt the people there have seriously bad attitude. Hate them man. Then went to eat and bought newspaper and went with wei xian and his friend to another place. TT place is like so difficult to find and we took quite some time to look for it. Lucky the man there who interview us is nice. But he ask so many question tt i was not prepare for. Going to be a sales promoter. ARRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! Scared of the job hope can do well!!!!!!!!! i need more confidence. The pay is not bad and need to start work on Thursday. Sorry com member, maybe cannot go down train u all liao. Hope tomorrow training will be a gd one. Sat also might not even go to the two poly. Sigh......... Hope can go!!!!!!!!! Heard about some guys prob tonight. I dun need is true lor so dun think so much. U know who u r so if u read this, be strong and any prob can find me. I sure help u one!!!!!!! hehe And gd luck to me for my job........................................ Days r going bz for me and O lvl is coming nearer day by day. Really scared of the result cos i dun think i put all my effort in it. Sigh......... Regretssssssss

So many days nv blog liao. Quite happy with the week.
Sunday
went out with jin hui, jacob,hui min and daryl. Went to play cs and watch movie. We all agreed tt the movie we watched sux. Haha waste $8.50 on the movie. Later went to play pool. HAHA finally learn something today and was really having fun playing pool tt day. Too bad i feel tt i am too lousy, must train hard.

Monday
Too many people disturb my sleep today causing me to woke up at 2.30pm. Poor me. Went to the bank to change my bankbk but my mother change her mind so i went back home again. After a while i sleep but got disturb again. Then after tt at night was talking in msn with bevin and yy. Hope tt bevin and learn how to make one fast. I want to learn too haha. Com also got reformatted today. Waste a lot of time but i dun mind. Haven't install everything yet but can use internet is gd enough hehe.

Today like woke up so late. 1.30pm then woke up. Then jin hui called tell me go play cs at 2.30pm. I went to interchange and wait. They was late for like 53 min lor. Hate people to be late. sigh.............. Jin hui like also like not happy with me cos like i scolded him but i just can't stand people who r late lor. Play until 6.45 like tt then we stop playing. Went home to c tt dinner sux lor had to buy mac to eat cos really bad mood liao and c dinner sux too. Then saw wallet no $$ and remember tt stupid person nv return my money when i pay tt person for a 3 h cs game. Feel tt i'm super bad luck lately. Call people at night like they all so bz like tt. I want to find a job but is too lazy to look for one. A person going out like tt to look for a job without anyone with u is like damm sian. HATE MY LIFE MAN SERIOUSLY. MY LIFE IS TOO BORED ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today went for an interview and is so sian, need to wait for call again. i guess all jobs need to wait for call one. I am really doubting my life and everything in life. Find tt everything is so meaningless and lifeless. Sigh....... then i went to tampines for an interview but i found out to be UNDERAGE like wtf lor. I am 17 years old this year and i AM underage for a job. Then i went to TM and saw li zhou, daryl, benjamin they all. I dunno i am lucky or wat. Then go for a walk with them but i feel damm left out but nvm i think i shld be used to it liao. Then go with jia yuan go kfc to eat lunch. Then i went back home. As usual got nothing to do so sleep till dinner time and then eat and watch tv. Call li ting for a talk for about 1 hour and like keep complaining things to her. No choice i hate my life, i can't think of something tt is meaningful now. I think i need to work badly if not i will rot at home. Now at night got nothing to do and worse still, i can't go into msn and i dunno y. Y am i always so unlucky and i ever feel tt my life is lucky. Enough is really enough. SOON i will be crazy and i meant it. Noone can understand how i feel but my heart getting harden each passing day. Not i dun need go SJAB as i am taking a break but i dunno how to spend the time. As least the instructor there temper is better than me and more normal than me. I also dunno i always like to help in sjab stuff. Dun think the cadets like me, instructor and teachers too. Just dunno y. Want to put my effort in it but i just can't. I really can't understand myself. Still feel tt i am alone and i need to be strong. But how long can i hold on to. I hate night time always feel so helpless and bored but i hate to sleep at night. Y must i end my another day like tt. I nv done anything tt i feel happy or satisfied on the day so y must i end my day like tt. Feel tt i waste so many days but y can't i do something about it cos i am truely tired. I like to do something but do people support me. I like to keep myself bz as this is me but i guess everything change. I need someone to help me or do i really need. I dunno tt i have been too direct after since the start of Dec or do i really need to say out things before people understand me but so i dun think they even understand me??? I have no energy left to do anything. I am depleted of energy. I dun have any energy left except energy to feel tired and bored. This is my life y do it have to be so bored. Really wish to have the taste of fun.............. Maybe i shld cont to dream as i hate everything in reality..........

Met up with my group today and farhan group to discuss the poc item. It is like damm bored. After tt went to have lunch. I like having two lunch tt day but nvm i am hungry. Then go HQ for a meeting. The meeting is like damm sian also. Give those comment like they dun listen so y i bother talking. I am like trying to change but do people give me a chance. U all told me to change and i think i shld change but i am very tired of change but it matter. NO!!!!!! I CAN TELL U. How my temper lately??? i have been trying to change. I want to be happy but nothing happen. Things have change back to a square one. I feel tt sjab is so untactic. Can they be tactic!!!!! I can be serious at times but do they listen. I hate this damm feeling. I keep quiet and feel unhappy, talk also unhappy, can anyone tell me wat to do now!!!!!!!! Then after tt they go eat dinner but i feel like so full so i nv eat and felt early as i feel damm bored but nvm noone know how i feel anyway. Was thinking about a sentence today. Somethings feel so close yet so far...... Really feel tt way today when i c u......... sigh.......... it dun matter toooo. i know now like nothing matter to me anymore....... When i reach home feel so bored again. i like everytime feel bored but i am trying not to feel bored again by freezing my heart. I feel damm tired and noone to share my pain with me. Everyone is like so bz now but does they even remember me. HAHAHA. Y do i bother going otc??? I dunno even feel happy there. I like nv feel happiness for so long liao and forgotten the taste of it. Just remember the taste of a loner and sadness. U say tt i have change to the worse. Ya i know and i hate myself but u think tt my oldself can hold on any longer. U seems tt i have no problem but i dunno y tt i feel tt i have so many prob and i can't cope with it ok. Maybe tt i feel tt i am alone solving all those prob.

Woke up at 9.30am today to watch cartoon, then went back to sleep and woke up again at 11.30 am. Slept at 3 am and woke up so 'early'. I was having a OTC interview in the afternoon. Say is a interview but the 'old man'( i seems so bad) keep talking and talking. Lucky someone say want go toliet and we can have a short break. Really can't stand those pierce people cocky faces. Really dislike them but at least i saw my 2003 advance group mate Yi Ting, nice to meet u again. Today like so many people come and want to go to OTC. Serious i dun think everyone have a chance to go there. Hope tt those people really want to go can go, so gd luck everybody. After tt went with a group of people to BK as i need to have lunch. Then it rain........ then we walk around and then walk to the mrt. Then tt CK go buy a $1.00 raincoat and he look damm funny. Then he throw it away anyway i expected tt cos the quality of the raincoat is so lousy. Then go to simei play pool. I was first time playing and i think i make a fool out of myself... really need to go 4 some pratise before i try again. Then go play the racing game but i feel damm unlucky. i just want to VS com but everytime got people join game. Hate it man. Then after tt i leave, leaving them there playing. Met my dad for dinner and went home. Feel so bored and tired man. Not physically but mentally. Want to find someone to talk also don't have and so many people r online tonight and i kept playing game. I know is fun but it can't fill up the boring space in my heart. I guess i getting more and more tired. Sigh............ feel tt i am all alone. Tomorrow still need to go HQ for POC item with my group and also have a nco meeting at 4pm. Everyone seems so busy and i don't think they have time to spare!!! I think i still can go on.... and i will..... Tt all for today hope tomorrow is a better day 4 me.

I feel so sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Y can't my mother understand me. I told her tt i dun want to do this job but yyyyyyyyyyyyy she insisted tt i must do the stupid job. The pay is like so little and i have to do 3 whole month to get a com. i have my own life to run and also have to go for otc if i can go in. Y she cannot understand tt not everything u do expect a reward. i was having a neutral day yet she spoil everything after the quarral. i hate her!!!!!!!!! WAT I DO TODAY???? sleep, eat and watch tv. she want me stay at home and i listen to her. Y must she force and control my whole life. Do she know how i feel at night, at sch. i can't even trust my own mother...... i think i will stop talking about her liao. i won't spolit my day for her. how i day. ONE word sian. I think i will go otc. Today i also nv go down dm and com training. Told teacher and edmund tt i need a break. Hope tt i can come back and help soon.HOPE everybody pass the interview tomorrow. And hope tt i can meet wei xian on monday to go for a job interview. Hopefully can get a job soon and SHUT my mother mouth.

FINALLY IS DONE!!!!! oh is it

Muhahahahaha finally is done.......... wasted so much of my energy and eye sight on this. thanks li zhou 4 helping me. finally is january, a new beginning for everything. Had a very terrible month last month and hope to have a gd break for now. I think i wud be going otc but then again just feel very tired. Finally i can take a break but to do wat i dunno. Mother pester me everyday go look for work, i myself listen also till sian. think i will find a job soon. Need $$$ badly, hehe. Those coming to my blog, u might find it not nice but i will make it better.

11.55pm was back after playing cs with jin hui. sigh.......... now nothing to do........ wat to do tomorrow!!!!!! i dunno hope to find something to do soon.