The time has come. The moment we r waiting for. So wat the result come out. I still rather dun take my result. Wat the pt. Other people can choose the 12 choice but how can i choose. My choice is so limited. Dun really matter now. THERE nothing i can do. To everyone out there, wish u all can get gd O lvl result.

Really feel the word fear the whole day. I fearing about working again, i am truely tired. I fear my result, i fear myself. I dunno y. I am so so tired. I called a lot of people today but i can't find them to talk to serious. I mean tt they can't make me feel better. I am so damm tired. I need to be free from all this but something weighs heavily in my heart. OR can i say many things r tieing me up & i can't break free. Cont at this rate i will really need a doctor soon. Every sec bring pain to me................. result coming out so wat. I am colourblind. Hate the thought to choose the courses. Everytime i think of it, i will get a headache. I getting headache often now. Maybe i got too many problem and my head can't take it nor my body can take it further. Can i still carry on. I wonder???????Do people need to break my dreams over and over again. Can't i hope for a bit of dreams coming true and stop blaming me for everything. I so so so so tired of everything. I can really sleep forever if this carry on.

So tired man. But i have been quiet the whole day. I dunno y i dun feel like talking. Maybe is becos i got so much to talk but noone want to even listen which cos me lazy to open my mouth. Yeah y bother?? Today nv go watch any movie becos of the timing. I feel so restless and really restless. I know i having a break but i can't let out of my bunden. The bunden is too heavy and i am carrying for too long liao. I need a person to help me up but i dun think i can find someone to do tt. Nvm i used to it liao. Things r always this way. I already given up. I feel so so tired. Y must my life is played this way. Monday result is out so wat ok. I know the end result. The courses i like can nv be entered by me ok. So wat the whole pt. U guys nv even tried to understand me. Nvm i also dun want to say anymore. It dun matter to me liao. Feel like a undead. Walking like a zombie. Cos i really feel tired. So wat is training. Training is me is not training. Y people enjoy bootlicking. Y do the teachers always like tt one. Everytime i put in the best but u all dun even tried to understand. I really agreed tt u all r truely blind. Know u all enjoy those bootlicking stuff but too bad i am not like them. I dun ask for favour, if u all r not happy with the stuff i do then so be it. I dunno y must i suffer like tt when i am doing a contribution. Life is so unfair. Tell me to put in my best but happen in the end. Noone even care. Y be nice to people when life is so unfair u tell me. I dunno y this word keep appearing in my mind. Stop saying is my fault ok. Dun u think u played a huge part. I am enough and really enough. Y can't anyone understand me and go to the beach. U all know i am hoping to go there for a very long time already but u all nv even tried and even i tried. I also feel tt this things happen to me r all expected liao. I am very scared. I feel i am have already expect all this will happen. But i dunno y. This feeling sux.

Thursday
Today went to buy a new Cd. Just like a few tracks of the cd but i didn't regret it lar. Today last day of work liao. I also dunno how to feel lar. Just feel tt i will be back there as shopper next time. Tomorrow still need go head office then go to watch movie and then to play cs then go play bb. Wow very long day hor. I will enjoy it man. I need to relax badly. But i scared everything end in just a blink of my eyes. I know gd times pass fast. Hope can buy another cd tomorrow. Haha thanks for sending me songs hor. U know who u r!!!!! Feel so relax today. I will blog tomorrow.

Tuesday was a off day for me. But in return must work on wed and thursday. Super sian. Nvm lar just work for two more days. Wat two more days to me. Ha ha quite confirm on monday result then come out. Sigh....... result is coming out now. Hope can go out and watch a movie. Many people apply leave on tt day thought result come out on tt day. Ha ha then now heard is not. Yeah then can go watch movie and also go beach with me. MUHAHAHA!!!!! Sound so evil man. Sigh..... but now bear with me two days now. Hope i can recover my illness soon. I must stand up again. It is still not the time to give up so early. Ok i going to rest soon. haha Gd night to the world out there

Been sick for a few days tt y nv blog. When i have things to blog i will blog. Sorry guys dun feel like blogging now.

WEDNESDAY

Feeling so headache today. Y lei? cos got hit by a bus. Haha y nv die lei. I also want to know. The mirror hit me cos i stand too near to the yellow line and i nv notice it cos i was look down. Got knock is not pain but got a headache after tt but i hack care lar. Die faster also gd haha. Today tt full timer not working cos she off. Haha gd i happy she off cos she really irrated me. I dunno lar feel so sick today and wei xian ask me go work again. I really got a lot of job ok. I dunno lar really headache liao. Dunno wat to do. Bought a speaker today. Yeah one of my wish list is hit. Hope can hit others soon. I really need a break. On friday cos off haha and i am quiting on wednesday meaning i last day on next wed. I dunno wat to do on my off day. Really want people pei wo go beach but all r bz. I also damm sian. Either i can find people go beach with me or i go dm. Sigh............ I really need a gd break with my friends. Really tired. tomorrow work morning shift. Hope i can tahan tomorrow. I will ok. I can't let myself lose to myself. I really believe in myself now. Hope can change my attitude soon. Haha change my internet things liao cos today people send me the mail. Tomorrow go sim lim collect my item. Half life 2 and a new mouse. too bad my com cannot play half life 2 at the moment. SO WHO IS FREE ON FRIDAY. Find myself very stupid ask like tt. Cos i really dun believe anyone free on tt day. I think i got a lot of problem but i will settle it one my one. O lvl result coming soon. ARR i hate it man. But i just have to face it. Beside i so many courses cannot go in so result so so i also dun might. Just regret O lvl nv study hard enough. Now then i know working life is so tough or maybe i over too responsible. Every thing i do until i so tired so haha start to slack on my work cos i nv c people work so hard there. People who r bored can sms me. I think i can reply very fast now cos really no customer liao. Haha i happy............. TT all for today. Best wishes to Everybody getting the O lvl result. Haha i sound happy today right but tell lar i feel nothing cos headache. Feeling sick only.

Reach work at 12 and at first need to reach there by 10.30 one cos my sales rap call me. I like the timing better like tt also. Saw guo jun when i was on the bus so went work with him together cos he also work there. Then i need to move a lot of things here and there today. So sick of it man. Haha i think i will quit by the end of this week. Wei xian ask me to join him at work. Today saw two person elieen and ying ying. Those who in sjab zone 1 sure know who is ying ying. Haha work in bugis really can see a lot of people but i dun like it. I dunno y i working so hard and get my pay. Others can slack a lot but i dun like to work like tt. Maybe is too much responsiblity i give myself but i always want to do things right. Sigh....... tomorrow need to work morning shift.

To the person: Give u a month to sort out everything ok. Sms me when u c this message. I hate waiting as u know ok. I want a answer either is repair or damage it.

Really can't stand it ok. Bevin say want call me in the end say want to sleep. Tell u all lar i already stop believe in friendship and love liao. What the pt i keep getting hurt each time. I can only trust myself and only myself. U all make me this way and want to play it this way and i will play it this way with u guys hor. Y u all must treat me like tt when i last time treat u all really like friends. I feel so betray ok. Y always no one of u all tried to lift me up when i fall and i must stand up on my own. I dun think i shld do any self reflection and y shld i cos i am the one being hurt not u guys. U all know who i am talking about hor. I am talking about a few people here not only one!!!!!!!!!! I will only hang on for a month. BY 15 of MARCH pls give me a answer........ i will wait till tt day. Y u all r like tt to me!!!!! YYYYYYYYYYYYY TELL ME Y OK!!!! WAt in the heaven did i do wrong to receive such a unfair treatment....... i already put in my best effort and is still my fault i dun understand ok.

Two person call me today ask me go to work. I want to WORK and accept the job but i am tie up in this job. I hate it man. I shld quit by today meaning i dun need to work today. i think i will bear until only till the end of this week. The job is so boring and i always scared of this and tt cos no one is there to guide me cos they like to on leave. Damm it man and let all part timer do all the work and our pay is much lesser than them. This work sux....... to me lar. Maybe some people will find it nice to do but i hate clothers. Fold and fold until i also sian liao. I enjoy times without customer but everytime is they only found in c c only. Then i can't slack. Y i bother to work so hard here and get a stupid pay or even no pay. My friend work one month + haven't even get pay. Say seriously i also quite scared. Dunno lar. Tonight i will blog again lor.

Sigh...... working morning shift later = i need to wake up very early. I am sick of this life luckily only got 13 more days to endure. Can i do it. Hope so. Just found out tt i think i in trouble tomorrow cos i nv bring out all the shirt. How i know still got extra. Fuck man. Then just now li ting, yy and bevin visited me. Just feel tt if they dun visit me, my day will be better. To a person tt i dun want to name: I HAD ENOUGH OF U JUST GO TO HELL!!!!!!! haha sound nasty hor. But i dun want to care anymore liao. Just be it lor if u always like tt dun care then y shld i care. Just go and die lor. Not my business anymore.

Summary:
Haha friday li rong, mirabella, wei xian and li rong's sister came to visit me. Haha i enjoy people visiting me at work cos it make it more fun. Haha Thanks to u guys...... I think i feel the job is so tired. Cos i am the only one who is doing the work and others can slack. I can't count on them. I can't stand them as they get paid and nv do much work. My hand r so so so tired!!!!! I want to get my pay fast and quit and get another job. Change of enviroment. haha. Aim is to get a com and then a camera and then open up a chalet and some spare $$ to spend. Hope i can achieve my dreams. Saw a Camera on sat and hope i can get it soon..... Shi xiang visit me on sat. haha THANKS A LOT. He talk with me on computer stuff and also on the job he is doing. Dunno lei he say he job very easy liao but i want a friend to work with me. I want make my job interesting. Any job i can take it if a friend is with me. I think i can buy a com soon. He really make me cheer up today cos i want very tired and sick of this job today. Heard tt bevin, yy and li ting want to visit me but i dunno lei. I dun want they to visit me. I dun want let them c how i am. Just dun want to c me although i very long nv c them liao. I hope i can hold on longer. But is impossible for people to visit me everyday. I will hold on. I WILL!!!!!

I dun want to name the person and dun ask me who is tt person.
R u avoiding me????? I just feel tt ur different. I know tt u can't stand my complain or wat but....... i really dunno wat to say liao. I had already told u everything i feel ok and ur attitude is still like tt. I know everyone has prob but u dun trust me and dun share anything and how i know u and how can i understand u. This will make people cannot take it ok. I know i betray ur trust once but can u give me a chance!!!!!! I think we nv talk for quite some time liao and i wonder i still know u or not. I like feel tt u r a stranger to me liao. I think u know who u r. To those people who know who tt person is dun tag the name in my tagboard. I will just DELETE AWAY!!!!! DUN IRRITATE ME!!!! AND I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sian later still need to go out to work. I need to bear for another 15 days..... Dun seems long right but is damm long for me. I am so so so so tired. Is everybody so bz now a days. sigh...... i tonight then cont i need to go out to work liao. Sigh.... After today i left with 14 days left. Shld i be happy or sad. ARRRRRRRR!!!! I want to sleep and go out to play.

Still feel the same as usual or maybe worse. AM i weakening???????? I had like have been holding on for a long time..... Have i reach the limit???? I feel as empty as i am. I feel so scared and lonely. Am i alone. I keep thinking about this question for a very long time liao. Am i really alone? I have to work tomorrow. Sigh........ Really dun wish to work anymore..... I only wish to sleep and cont sleeping forever without thinking anything. People now a days r so busy but r they all so bz. And i mean they. I am in a maze looking for an exit without a clue to walk which direction and no one is guiding me. I been walking alone for a very long time searching for a exit until i have no more str to carry on. I also dun even feel any joy on CNY!!! and also i dun even feel is even CNY.

Early morning:
Decided to blog again. Cos no one is free to talk to me cos i find blog to listen to me. I dunno wat lar but i feel so crazy now. I feel so unhappy now. I feel so lost now. I dunno y. Is it Chi new year and i shld feel happy. NO I DUN feel any joy this year. I am not looking forward to this CNY. Y????? i dunno...... sigh............... Read derek blog. He say he is alone. Haha r we in the same boat. I wonder????? Haha derek if u read this. Anytime u feel like tt i surely come and pei u, if i'm free lar. U shld treasure the gd time now and feel happy. Think about it, so many people r supporting u. U r not alone..... I need time to find the missing part of me to fix me back. Feel so empty again...... I wonder.....

Today damm tired at work. Early morning need to wake up go to work. Almost late cos i didn't want to get out of my bed. Then reach there need to set up 2 wagon and how i know wat to do cos no one want even taught me. The whole day u know wat i do. I using my senses to think wat is i think correct go do liao nv think much. Everything is so cock up today and tt stupid manager came down. Today got a new partner to help me but without him also can. Make those account damm siao siao one. I also dunno how to tell the manager. Heard sales rap want come down also nv come down help. I need to write memo but i think some of them just take & go. Y this stupid shopping centre need to write meno. Waste a lot of time ok. I hate tt damm idiotic job. I think i going to quit after this month. When is bz is really bz but if we r free really nothing to do one. Can i bear till end of the month. Reach home go eat dinner and then mira still say me these and tt. She so pro she work here lar. If not stop spoiling my mood. I really bad mood and i will nv get angry at customer ok. Just saying this. I only angry at the damm manager and y she dun want send people down to help and say not enough people and dun want to hire people. The most i hope she sack me. Then she will surely die lor. I work till to the best of my ability liao. Haha like nco right!!!!! Pls pls i need help today.

2nd part
Sigh....... Work and work everything. Sitting in the com and also watching tv. Keep feeling some part of me is missing. I like miss someone which i dunno who is it. I am like finding a person to help me but i am like lost in a world full of wall. Like a maze. I really feel tt way. Y my friend and all work so long. Is it because they like their job or their power to endure is strong. I hate to feel weak. I can feel tt if i work with a friend time pass fast and i can enjoy any work with a friend. But working alone is really terrible. Can anyone save me!!! Faster how i wish the whole month is gone and get my pay but also i dun hope the month to end cos of O lvl result. Just feel myself lost and finding myself back. How can i get back to myself. Am i really weak....... Handle this job alone. Fighting all alone. I want to work with friends but y do all of them give me stupid answer like Zhi da when he say want to help me in the morning and change his mind. damm it ok!!! I am truely tired but i really hope to work. When i work i forget my problem when i am truely bz like today........ Feel so depress so many course can't go in, feel so depress of my job, feel so depress over my life. I will stay strong or can i say i must be strong.......... I hate this type of mix feelings..............

Sunday
Haha today work in different brand but is still very bored. I dun like the auntie there. She like very bossy lor. Can't stand her but slowly used to it liao. Haha went dinner at 4.30. Siao so early lor for me to eat dinner. Haha guess wat. It is lucky in a way because i saw eileen. Found out she only work there for only one days. Sigh..... thought she is working there for long then i can talk to her liao. Then after tt 5.30pm came back to stone somemore. I think i can be a non- living object if i carry on like tt. Miss times like this at home dun need to stand there and stone. Sometime my mind went blank, even customer come in i also dunno. Also found out i am working 6.30pm to 10.30pm alone handling the shop. Die liao ar. Zhi da can only work at 14 of feb and dunno he can work how long. This job is only interesting if we work with a friend. Pls pls Manager can let me and zhi da work together. And hope he can work for long and i got him to pei wo work cos is really easy work. Enough of tt. Then went to sit the same bus with eileen cos she live near me but also cannot say very near. She also told me O lvl result come out from 28 of feb. So is confirm. My death sentence on the end of the month. Oh ya forgot to say tt when i was resting during dinner time yesterday, i saw two person from the job i last time do one. The sales promoter running around S'pore. Luckily they didn't saw me. Sigh...... Poor me...... Time seems a million years. How to past my time. I like wasting time. Always the last 2hours is the hardest to pass or the last 3 hours. Pls pls ANYONE can save me. I want a job tt is suitable for me and i know how it is suitable is tt i need to work with a friend. I can't work alone. HAha seems tt i am not independent right but is bored working alone and is easy to say make friends there but is difficult ok. I hate this kind of life. I miss my old times and life in secondary sch............go ZZZZZZZZZ liao

Haha so late then blog. Have been working for the past few days. Hmmmm not tired BUT IS DAMM BORING HELP PLS I NEED SOMEONE TO PEI WO WORK TOGETHER. Now asking zhi da, hope he can come and pei wo. The job is easy is just tt it is too boring. All u need is to stone. I like saw hong yi at night. Ha ha tt pierce guy. I work until 10.30pm lor. But like i 10.40+ then can go. Y because tt damm manager dun want to open the damm door. Make us wait. No off days, only got one day off which is CNY. I so sian lor. I want to off. I want people to pei wo. I feel like wasting time. I feel so sian doing nothing at a enclosed place. It is driving me mad. Today thought of some people while i am stoning. I think tt will past time. Keep looking at my hp for the time. Any one who is free pls sms me. I will read it and at least give me something to do!!!!!! I'm dying. I think i need to get used to this type of work but i need a friend. Anyone to talk to. If not i feel damm scared lor being there alone stoning. I am being to fear. Later still need to work. ARRRRRR!!!!! Life sux...............

Need to work later. Heard my late my pay was only $200. Damm it man y i work so hard for and get the $200. Y shld i even hit tt damm target. Lucky i quit tt damm job liao. Still tell me public holiday double pay..... fuck him man. Then later need go bugis and work. Transport and eating fee and damm high lor. About $10 everyday. If i work then is like getting $30 a day. When will i get my computer. Feel so fuck up man, how to get a com at this rate. Need of think of idea to cut my transport and food fee. Maybe i use my ezlink card or ask my dad to fetch me home. Hopefully can buy a com at the end of the month which is O lvl result coming out tt day. ARRRRRRRRR i so scared. So many damm course i can't go in. Y i even bother to study. Everything sux man. Feel tt my effort all has got into the drain.

Went to tampines today to bought two jeans. Actually wanted to buy a shirt but can't find any suitable one. Buying jeans for work tomorrow and also because of CNY. I need i need to work harder and longer for extra $$ to buy some more new clothers. My clothers sux. Later went to Sp and saw joyce and some others gals. I dunno their name lar. Then i saw yy there........ She went there with her parents. Then i walk around the sch. Sian lor dun have any open house in all the 5 sch only got a main area and business sch. Found out tt i sure sure die die cannot go inside chemical & life Science sch and also 70% of the engineering sch. So Sux right. WAt i done wrong????? Y so many sch i can't go in because of the damm colour blindness!!!!! FUCK MAN!!!!!!! Then i waited for my dad to fetch me house. Wao liao today spend too much $$ liao. Sad Sad.... Got a question in my mind today. Does nice people always get bully..... I think the answer is yes. Any one got any answer to this question post it in my tagboard.

Tuesday:
I went a interview 2 months ago. Today then call me ask me to work. I hate it man, when i need a job i has no job now i have a job i have so many jobs coming at me at the same time. More choice huh but some pay is high but not for long.( Short-term) I rather do a long term job and get tt pay after a month to buy a new com. Tt job i think i will only do for three days & i am working with li zhou as we went interview today. Pretty boring there but the job is simple. A kind of job i want last time but not anymore. Tt kind of life is too boring. About my job coming now. Start work this Friday in bugis!!!! Hmmm doing sales but is in a shop( dunno wat tt one call). No taking leave until 15 of Feb. One day off during CNY. And after tt work 6 days a week as one day is off( only can chose weekdays off). Pretty sux right. Everyday pay is $40, work for 8-9 hours. Even sunday the pay is $40..... sigh...... Heard is easy job so can't blame. Hope i can do for a few month but first month if i got my pay i sure buy a new com and then i will be back to the square one. HAHA upgrade my internet speed today. But is not so soon need the most 10 working days to change my speed and some stupid stuff like modem. I think i need to go out with friends one day when i am free. Feel so dead man!!!!! Won't be blogging at night. Reach home will be 12+ liao.