I really hate this phrase call life is like a dream. I dun find life is like a dreams as ppl like to many a some differenties in their life. Dreams tt r created in ur mind u wat u truely wish for but nv be able to see it in real life. Is this making ur life better by dreaming the things u nv get or just lying to urself? I really dunno the answer. The way u treat others, is the way u want ppl to treat u back. Is this the truth? For me now, i disagree. The way i treat others and wish how they treat me back. Is so different? Views r so different. But wat u do and hope ppl to treat u nicer or is it ppl is just making use of u. Or ppl think too highly of u, thinking tt u r always strong and those happy go lucky type. I might be one last time, but not now. Yes i do think a lot, thanks to someone i know. U ask me to think. And i think. Do u need a rights or apply a right before to show tt u r angry or dun use angry this word, maybe the word upset? I dun want to show tt i am angry. For now is like tt is no reason to be upset. But y thinking of the past, can it be a reason to be upset or is it just history to be forgotten and like history repeated itself again and again. Or am i just unimpt in ppl life, and with me around or with me not around make no differents as u all r happy. Answers in the past might not be the answers to now. Things in the past is not the same as things today. I hate to accept changes as i am stubbon. Give me time i can do it. But i am tired, really tired. I just dunno how to move on? I hate to be weakened like tt. I hate myself.

tml finally going out again. I this whole week rotting at home like no one business. Finally, i feel like silent and coldness at night fits me a lot more better. Holiday coming into an end however i also dun have the mood to care much liao. Just wish everything will end quickly. Hoping i can sleep earlier and wake up earlier however dunno wat the pt. I becoming more and more lazy. Hais... Life sux.

Been realising after talking to zhi da, a lot of ppl have been showing me attitude in wat ever things i do. I feel so tired of doing things.Y do ppl show me attitude when i did nothing to them. I just can't understand it. If u tell me their day go not so well tt day i can understand but by doing nothing, ppl just like to show u attitude and some might things is so cool by doing tt. I just find it all so wrong.

Been playing maple for the whole day. I feeling like playing maple make me forget all the problem i have and i can sit there and play all day long and need not solve any problem. Zhi da sms me ask me if i want to help out in sjab in the camp and ask me if i receive any email. Ya i did not receive, maybe they dun want me even to help out there. I feel so sick of sjab. Need to c those ppl again. Must listen to them, in watever u do. I really feel so meaningless to stay in there. And i keep rmbing wat charles sir say about boosting relationship with the junior. I just can't do it can. Feeling tt kids attitude is getting worse each day and in nco course sure u all say if u all dun listen to me, dun like u all pass out but i dun like to threaten ppl. Like how u all threaten me if i dun cut my hair, i cannot pass out. I find it all so stupid. If u all like to use ur power like tt, i got nothing more to say. I just feeling so sick of everything OK. Those words keep appear in my mind. I want to find someone to talk to but i can only find wei lee. I think i need to go out soon. I cannot stay at home any more. I need to go out and unwind. But i can't think of any place to go to. Anyone want to go beach for a scroll? I am tired, really tired but my body just dun let me rest. Days r passing by just like tt and i am really feeling worse everyday. I feeling so crap....

i remove my post yesterday as i find myself being too nasty however i repost it as i have the same feeling again tonight. Bevin stop lying to me and make use of my trust can. Yes i believe ppl easily but do ppl have to make use of my trust like tt. I really hate this type of ppl. They have no brains and heart to care for others feeling. Want to find someone to talk to at this moment however i can't think of anyone to call to. My mood also have been getting worse and worse as my sister keep complaining to me her computer got prob, which make me so fed up. And i really in a lost. I woke up early today and eat my lunch, however i find no meaning of waking up. So in the afternoon i cont to take a nap. Realise i have been dreaming often now. I feeling more and more alone each passing day. I beginning to forgot who i am.... And my memory is really getting worse each day. Who bothers???? Maybe only i bother. I have not give up on myself, i just do not care now.

wah, i haven't blog for like 10 days like. First i keep playing maple and sleep late tt y nv blog and also quite bz during these 10 days.
I went to night safari on one day which i forgot liao. Haha it was very hot and dark where i c those animals near the rock i thought was the animal itself. Haha. My friends and i stay out late tt night.

Happy birthday to liting on 15 of oct. 17 YEARS OLD ALREADY!!!! haha congrate. Went to her chalet on the 15th of oct with bevin. As bevin stay overnight at my house on the 14th. Sorry liting, dun say tt u r a bad host, i know u very bz tt day. Esp on the night. I dun want to comment anymore of the chalet.
My thoughts
have been thinking a lot this days. Dun mind me anyone. I been thinking wat is friends about and do i need to care about other ppl friends even if i know them. Is it tt i have to learn to accept them, so tt i won't have any conflict with u guys. I dunno. I suddenly feel we r so different. Our mindset, but i wonder how we r be able to stay as friends for so long already. I treasure the friendship and this is one friendship tt make me think the most and cos me the most pain too. Maybe u all dun think this well. Maybe i not tt impt to anyone in their life cos i am too 'playful'. But i want to say tt i am sentitive as well and think a lot too. Somethings r meant not to be say to u all. But i am not the person who like to keep things to myself. I am stubbon, i really am, cos i can't change my thinking about somethings. Wat is life?? sometimes i wonder. Y do i do so many things against my wishes. For others and not myself and in return wat i get. i am so sick, tired. I dun wish to carry on. I am so restless and lazy in this holiday. I need to change. but i haven't lost all my str to carry on. Just feeling weak at the moment. Not like jan tt period. I was totally lost during tt period. But i pick myself up. I hate myself...... Y do i can't accept so many things. I dun like to owe others anything so in my life the only things i owe to is to my parents. Tt is it mean everyone shld take something always from me cos i am giving it away. I dunno, i am just so confused about my life. I beginning to like the night, is so peaceful and quiet. Not like day times, so noisy and messy. The night seems so dark yet peaceful. I also realise y i have been sleeping later and later at night. Cos night time is so peaceful and i dun look forward to the day, as is seems so bored. At least it seems night seems not so lonely anymore if i am alone

Sunday

Feeling so bored lately, dunno wat the reason. Yesterday went out with seow ye, guo jun, jin hui, wei lee and shi xiang. Went to play pool and watch one movie. However i dun like the movie, finding it gross and boring. Haha dun ask me y. Yesterday i also thought of something, my holiday left with one month but i feeling so weird, feeling something is missing and something is not right. The feeling where i am not spending my time, my every seconds properly. Even i keep going out lately, but i still feel tt way. I realise i can't multi task liao. I feel so sick and tired of it. Multi task sux. I am trying to do less of multi tasking. But is difficult... I feel so bored easily lately, even i am doing something like playing or watching either tv shows or anime/ cartoon. Hais.....
Looking forward to li ting chalet, going out with my sec sch friends to kayaking, and the next ice skating session

Sunday
I slept till 4.45pm today, dunno y but feel so tired and can't wake up. I want to wake up earlier but i can't and i feel so awake at night. Hais.... my body timetable is a mess cos of me. I want to change it back. Hais..... Feeling so confused, i know my mind is in a mess. Dunno y in a mess, just in a mess. The feeling i have the whole holiday. I am wasting time. YYYYYYY i just dun understand y i hate to waste time. TIME...... The night seems so quiet and frightening sometimes. Hope to do something meaningful soon.... So late liao, shld go to sleep liao

actually i want to blog one but just dun have the mood to do tt. Tt time did a very long post but got deleted. So now i fast forward some of things lar.

I pass out poc liao however i am not so happy tt day, i still find some of their system sux and i hate them using their rank to force ppl to do stuff they dun like. Hais......did i make the wrong choice

Li ting birthday i decided to go on the 15th liao cos of some reason, ya i am not happy about it but i dun want to talk anymore about it.

Went with li zhou and wei lee to movie on tuesday. Haha the movie was ok lar, watch when u r older by andy lau. Movie is so so lar tt y i feel

Wed
i went to east coast beach with my poly friends, go there walk walk. haha. then go marine parade. The arcade sux ok. I dun want to go in again, so little game. Then after tt my friend told me need another person to go ice skating then i go find klz but i tell u i dunno which of ur words is the truth nor the lies. I just wanted u to help. Nvm found ppl to go somehow. Thanks a lot deby for hearing my stupid and complaining stuff for so long. Really thanks a lot, i feel much much better. Wei lee too, have a nice chat with u, dun be so depressed can. Cheer up.

Sorry tt i nv blog for so long, i will try to blog more and more ba. I think i changing my habit to sleep early but dunno can make it or not.

I just find things not going my way for this holiday, everything seems so depressed, everything seems so wrong and out of way. I feel tt i am so unclear of so many stuff. I thought once it reach tt day onwards it will be better, but i was wrong. I think the problem lies with me but i dunno how to correct it. Am i taking things too seriously? Can i relax? Y can't i do something right for once? But at least u guys r there... When i am down.... I really thanks u guys a lot. But have i changed. I know the world change everyday. I dunno, i just feel so unclear of stuff. One things i am sure off is tt i need to change myself. i shld not take things too serious. But wat can i do when i c something i dun like. Shld i forget about it, or think about it. If i forget about it, it will sure happen again and if i think about it, it make my life difficult. I am confused in this part of my life, but i know there will be u all to lend me a hand when needed...... Everyday is a better day for me but end up more days end with a sad mind than a happy mind. For one thing i nv give up is to find my true happiness to create a world for myself than i end up with more happy mind then a sad mind everyday.